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Thanks for visiting! MNovember 04 Health care expenseBubba Had Shingles�Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! �Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? �Here's what happened to Bubba: I'm still laughing!! ADULT RIDDLESAdult Riddles ~ Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker? A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q.Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common? A. Their balls are just for decoration. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'? A. About three inches. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What's the difference between purple and pink? A. The grip. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony? A. It's not hard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife? A: 45 pounds. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband? A: 45 minutes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A . They don't have balls to scratch! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody. Live well, laugh hard, & love dearly I BELIEVE........Birth Certificates show that we were born ***** A Death Certificate shows that we died . Pictures show that we lived! Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly. I Believe... That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each oth er. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other. I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I Believe... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. I'm still working on this one. I Believe.. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I Believe.... That you can keep going long after you think you can't. I Believe... That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you. I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I Believe... That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time. I Believe.... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I Believe.... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and l ess to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I Believe... That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. I Believe.. That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I Believe... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become. I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever. I Believe... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help. I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. I Believe... That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I just did. 'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything.' CanadianForget Rednecks, Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, You may live in Canada . If someone in a Home Depot store Offers you assistance and they don't work there, You may live in Canada . If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada . If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation With someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada . If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Detroit for the weekend, You may live in Canada . If you measure distance in hours, You may live in Canada . If you know several people Who have hit a deer more than once, You may live in Canada . If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' In the same day and back again, You may live in Canada . If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow During a raging blizzard without flinching, You may live in Canada . If you install security lights on your house and garage, But leave both unlocked, You may live in Canada . If you carry jumper cables in your car And your wife knows how to use them, You may live in Canada .. If you design your kid's Halloween costume To fit over a snowsuit, You may live in Canada . If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km -- You're going 95 and everybody is passing you, You may live in Canada . If driving is better in the winter Because the potholes are filled with snow, You may live in Canada . If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, You may live in Canada . (this is my favourite, because how true) If you have more miles On your snow blower than your car, You may live in Canada . If you find -2 degrees 'a little chilly', You may live in Canada . Dog for Sale
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.' The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit. 
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